From My Heart to Yours

I don't really want to tell everyone online how much of a mess I have been lately, but I am going to anyway because I DO want to tell everyone how many amazing people God has been using to bless and help us.

 

It often blows my mind how God provides exactly what we need and exactly when we need it. First of all, he set up circumstances to help us through this situation BEFORE it even started. He led me to choose the PERFECT Bible study class that had the PERFECT people (who I had never met but are now friends) who would be in the PERFECT situation in life to help me. While attending that class, I found out that Maggie would "be unlikely to survive". That started a whirlwind of appointments and searching for answers and help. I don't have family in town and most of my friends have at least 2 small children and I didn't want to be dumping my kids on top of their kids. But the Bible study class that God led me to provided me with a babysitter (now friend) who has an incredibly flexible schedule and watches my kids nearly every single time we have high risk appointments! And the few times she wasn't available, God provided a backup babysitter, also from that class, and another backup from church. They all have older kids or kids in college and have been very flexible and available and this has made our appointments so much less stressful knowing that we always have babysitters and that they are taking wonderful care of our kids.

Also, my Bible study class was there for me during the worst of the situation when we didn't know if Maggie would survive or not. They provided emotional support and prayer and I don't know how I would have made it through the beginning of this journey without them wrapping their arms around me. The teacher of the class has been so wonderful about keeping everyone updated on progress and prayer requests after the class ended.

Along this journey there have been so many people reaching out online with words of encouragement and letting us know that they have been praying for us and offering us help. I want to thank you all so much for your support and prayers...it's an amazing feeling to know that when my words and prayers and pleas are all dried up and I just can't pray anymore because I just don't know what else to say, not only does God know my heart and Jesus intercedes for me, but all of you have continued to pray and plea on our behalf for sweet Maggie.

And there have been so many sweet words, gestures, help, encouragement and prayers from so many people here locally. There's nothing I love more than going to my mom's group and other places where I know my family is loved and prayed for and people reach out to us.

I also have a neighbor/friend who has been occasionally watching our kiddos so that Jon and I can take much needed dates. It's an important thing to do, but even more important in this situation when Jon and I really need to be close and supportive of each other. I am so grateful to her and her husband for providing us with those opportunities. She is also a photographer and is going to be taking some very special pictures of my pregnant belly, my labor and delivery, and a couple newborn sessions. How wonderful to be able to capture such special moments after not even knowing if those special moments would even end up happening.

This brings us to the present. God has worked so many miracles for us already and Maggie is doing so much better and things are looking really good. However, I am in the home stretch of the pregnancy and this time it's with two kids at home and during our most challenging pregnancy yet. So now that I have only a month left, my hormones and emotions are going CRAZY and I am a complete mess. Like the biggest mess I have ever been in my entire life (at least it feels like it). All the crazy emotions that God graciously helped me keep under control during the most difficult times are all suddenly being released like a waterfall. Some days it's all I can do to take care of myself and my kids. It's very frustrating because I feel like I should just suck it up and get control, but I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I CAN'T. I just can't do it. I cannot control this. At least not on my own.

Just in the last few days God has provided an outpouring of support for this difficult time in my life. First of all, I can not express enough how amazing my husband is. He has been strong and supportive since the very beginning. Lately I have been quite difficult to live with. I have been incredibly sensitive and emotional and he has endured a lot of me getting upset with him for ridiculous things and he has been giving me grace knowing that this will all be over soon and I will not be such a jerk (my words, not his) for much longer. Also, since I am really struggling to keep up with life, he has started getting groceries, cooking supper, and then cleaning the kitchen after supper most nights so I don't have to. This is after working all day and sometimes even using his lunch break to pick up the groceries. How amazing is he?!? I am so blessed the God gave him to me and that he is the the one by my side through this journey.

I now have OB appointments every week and it has become too much to bring my kids to those appointments and I have two friends who are watching my kids for the rest of those appointments even though they have their own young children at home!! This has further reduced the stress of all my appointments and I am so grateful for them.

A few days ago I had to make the hard decision of quitting the new Bible study class (same teacher and some of the same people in my class who were in the last one) that I just started a few weeks ago. I was sad to do so but I just have more activities than I can handle right now with all of my appointments and my emotional and fatigued condition. Everyone was super supportive of my decision and I know they are continuing to pray.

My Bible study teacher wanted to help us in some way and is organizing some people from class to bring us meals...how amazing is that?? Just one more way God is using people to lift more weight off of our shoulders and bless us. In addition to that, despite finishing up chemo for breast cancer (she has one round left), my mother-in-law has been busy working on a bunch of freezer meals this week to bring to us next time they visit. What a blessing.

Now back to me being a WRECK, I have had so many people available and helpful when I am losing it and and just need encouragement, to talk and cry, or need advice to get me through. My mom, mother-in-law and some close friends have graciously tolerated my emotional breakdowns and have been consistent in encouraging me to accept help and to lean on God first and foremost. 

I have had a couple of friends from my mom's group who have reached out to me to help me at home. One sweet girl is coming to my house soon to help me clean, and the other is coming soon to help me organize and decorate the nursery. How amazing is that?? The help is soooo appreciated, but the friendship and their presence is even more appreciated. I only hope to be as much of a blessing and encouragement to other mom's someday as they have been to me.

All of this support has helped me so much, but the things that is really sustaining me right now is God. Thanks to dear friends and family pointing me in the right direction, I have been trying to remember during the crazy moments when I have no one to help me and I just don't know how I can do it, that God is ALWAYS there and he is my best support. Instead of freaking out in those moments, I need to pour my heart out to my Savior. "The Lord has heard my plea for help; the Lord accepts my prayer." (Psalms 6:9 HCSB). And I need to meditate on His Word because it is truth. "I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me". (Philippians 4:13 HCSB)

I know this is a super long post, but God is just so good and faithful that I just felt like it needed sharing. Dear friends, when you are going through life's toughest trials, He is there. He has not forgotten you. He has not forsaken you. I have known this but now I am living proof of it. He is in every detail of every moment. He will bring you through. And how awesome is it that He has used YOU to help bring me and my family through this trial? Thank you.