The Day I Will Remember for the Rest of My Life

All day long I had felt like a failure.  I was constantly yelling at my babies because they were constantly letting me down.  They were incredibly disobedient and inconsiderate all day long.  5, 3 and 1 year olds ought to know better.  Right?!?

 

But I knew that I was the one who ought to know better.  I had been on this earth for almost 33 years.  I should know how to control my anger by now.  But I was failing over and over and over again today.  So I quickly stopped and prayed and gathered some wisdom from the Bible.  There.  Problem solved.

Then nap time was over.  The kids were back to their same old shenanigans.  Why did these kids constantly do the same disobedient things over and over and over again??

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t.  I want to do what is good, but I don’t.  I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. (Romans 7:18-19)

And I was back to my same old anger issues.  Why did I keep yelling at my kids over and over again??  I needed to stop!!  But it was more important that THEY stop being disobedient.  I had anger issues, but they drove me to it.

Finally I had had it.  It was time to clean their room and put them straight to bed.  I barked at them over and over and over again.  How could they forget that many times that they were supposed to be putting things away instead of playing?  It’s like they had an attention span of a…sigh…5 and 3 year old.  But still.  I had had it.

Then all of a sudden I found something that the 3 year old had purposely broken.  Why was this kid so destructive?!?  I started to yell at him at the top of my lungs.  He just looked at me, not too surprised since I had been yelling all day.  But I wasn’t satisfied with the first few seconds of yelling.  I felt justified to keep yelling until I could get a whole day’s worth of frustration out into the face of this little boy.

Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.  (Proverbs 29:11)

Only it wasn’t satisfying.  After a few more seconds of yelling, I saw the change come over his face.  His mouth turned down and quivered and his eyes filled up.  At the same time that his sobs came, my sobs also came.  I rushed toward my crying boy and took him into my arms and begged for his forgiveness.

Then I fell to the floor and knelt, hunched over in the middle of my boys’ room sobbing deep, uncontrollable, sorrowful sobs.  Through the tears I kept begging my boys for forgiveness.  They granted it and left the room.  They were usually so loving so I didn’t know why they left.  I had really blown it.  I cried out to God and asked Him for forgiveness.  I was broken.  I needed His help.  I just continued to sob and sob and sob.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  (Psalm 46:1)

Then my 5 year old walked back in.  He shoved something in front of my face.  I didn’t know what it was right away through the blur of tears, so he gently shook it to motion for me to take it.  It was the Bible from my nightstand.

Oh, what a torrent of emotions rushed through my mind and heart at that moment!!  I was shocked at his thoughtfulness and wisdom.  I was prouder than I had ever been of him.  I was so humbled at the undeserved kindness he offered me.  I was convicted of my need of the very thing he handed me.  I cried harder…a mixture of sadness and pure joy.  It touched me deeply.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Then silently he left again, the 3 year old at his heels.  He was gone for several minutes and I had no idea what he was doing, but I could hear them in the kitchen.  I heard the stool being moved around and cupboard doors being opened and shut and little voices talking to each other.

But I was still broken and in need of my Savior.  I prayed out loud through my cries and told God that I could not get control of my anger without His help.  I needed Him.  I was through trying to fix this problem on my own.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  (Philippians 4:13)

My boys came back.  Again my 5 year old handed something to me…he had made me a cup of coffee!!  My sobs picked back up again.  I was so touched.  How could they offer me such love and kindness after the way I had treated them??  I just could not possibly be any prouder of them.

The 5 year old was setting such an admirable example for the 3 year old and he wanted in on it.  He tried helping me take deep breaths…the very thing I always do with him when he can’t stop crying.  It was so sweet...but they didn’t want stop with just that!  

The 3 year old prepared a sippy cup of water for me…so precious.  The 5 year old covered me with a blanket, had me lay back on a pillow, surrounded me with cozy stuffed animals, put an instrumental CD in his player and brushed my hair.  He also wrote a sweet note and gave it to me.  I read them verses from my Bible about controlling our anger and obeying our parents.  We prayed together.  It was such a sweet time together.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.  (Ephesians 4:32)

They left the room to go make paper fans so they could come back and fan me.  As I was laying there by myself I was tempted to clean up the “mess” and put them to bed and call it a day.  But I thought, how often do I get to be pampered by my boys?  So I just lay back, relaxed and stared straight ahead.  Straight in front of me was the open door of the boys’ closet…and the perfect image of a cross staring down at me.

Just like I didn’t deserve my boys’ grace, forgiveness, kindness and love in that moment, I also didn’t deserve Christ’s grace, forgiveness, kindness and love.  I didn’t deserve His sacrifice on the cross and His gift of eternal life.  What a deeply impacting example of Christ’s unconditional love my boys had set for me.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  (Romans 5:8)

As I was tucking the 3 year old into bed a little later, he asked, “Remember when we helped you stop crying?”  “Yes, Sweetheart.  I remember.  And I will remember it for the rest of my life.”

And the new name is...

I want to keep you all updated on the process of changing my blog topic and blog name.  I loved your ideas that some of you posted and I considered most of them...but wow is it hard to come up with a name that someone else isn't already using!!  After a lot of thought and research, I actually ended up picking a name that my husband came up with after tweaking an idea from one of you:

Thank you so much for your helpful ideas!  My next project will be redesigning Baby Maggie's Journey to reflect the new name on the blog and the Facebook page.

Have any of you ever renamed a blog?  What advice do you have to make it a smooth transition?

I need your help!

Friends!  I want to let you know that I loved keeping you all updated on sweet Maggie's progress while she was fighting for her life inside the womb.  I enjoyed sharing my heart with you during the good times and the bad.  I loved being real and honest with you and receiving heart-felt prayers and encouragement.  It gave me so much joy when you all celebrated her miraculous birth and health with me.  And I still love occasionally sharing pictures and videos of my beautiful, precious little girl.

But now I want to get real with you again.  I have 3 kids (5, 3 and 1), we are in the middle of our second year of homeschooling, and my husband is starting a new job as an airline pilot.  Life right now is amazing, crazy, exciting, difficult, fun, stressful, joyful, overwhelming, humorous and exhausting.  In order to survive this crazy-amazing life we have, I have to continually remember to give each day to God and let Him lead me safely through it.  And MAN do I mess up.  A lot.  All the time.  I mean, thank GOD for grace!!!

I want to share the good, the bad and the ungly with you.  Life is so much easier when we walk through it with other people.  Like with people who have walked through something tough, made it out alive, and can now help us through.  With people who are experiencing something difficult that we have already survived and now we can be there for them.  And with people who are celebrating a victory in their life and we have the privilege to join the celebration!  I want you to know that you aren't alone in your joys or struggles.

Very soon I will be renaming this blog to match my shift in topic.  I hope to start writing on a regular basis about life with little ones, homeschooling, and The One who sees us through it all.  I hope you will continue to take this blogging journey with me that we started together during one of the most difficult and joyful times of my life.

Last thing:  I need your help.  I am taking suggestions for a new blog name.  What ideas do you have for me?  Please post your ideas in the comments.  I will let you all know as soon as I make my choice!

Amanda

Forgotten Story

I found something on my phone today that I totally forgot I had. Shortly after Maggie was born I wrote her story from what I thought 4 year old Wyatt's perspective would be. It took me down memory lane...I hope you all enjoy it! 

My name is Wyatt. I have a little brother named Jack and a little sister named Maggie. This story is about Maggie before she came out of my mom's tummy. When my mom and dad told me that I was going to be a big brother again, I was so excited! I hoped I would get a little sister this time. I have always wanted a little sister!

The day came for my mom and dad to go to the doctor to see the baby in mom's tummy. They brought me with them so I could see, too! We saw the baby move on the tv screen and even got some printed pictures! After we left the doctor's office mom and dad said they were going to go again tomorrow. For some reason they didn't seem as excited about it.

The next day Jack and I got to go play at the babysitters while mom and dad went to the doctor again. We always have so much fun there! We got to stay and play even longer than usual because mom and dad were gone a lot longer than they planned to be. I didn't mind at all!

Later that day mom and dad finally came and picked us up. They smiled and hugged us like they always do, but they looked a little different because their eyes were all red. A few times their eyes looked wet like they were crying, but they still acted happy.

When we were back at home, mom and dad told me they wanted to talk to me. They explained that the baby wasn't growing right and that it might die and go to Heaven to be with Jesus instead of coming home to live with us.

I was sad that the baby might not get to live with us, but I also knew a lot about Heaven and Jesus. I knew that the baby would be really happy there and that I could go there someday, too! I even told my parents once that I couldn't wait to go to heaven and meet Jesus, but they said they hoped it wasn't for a long time because they would miss me. I guess I would miss them, too.

Mom and dad also told me about something called a miracle. Even though the doctors said the baby would probably die, my parents told me that God is so powerful that He can do things that people, even doctors, think are impossible. That's called a miracle! I decided I would pray every single day and ask Jesus to help the baby grow right.

A couple weeks later, my mom and dad were really excited about something. They gave me an envelope with a piece of paper inside that would tell me whether the baby was a boy or girl. I was so excited to find out! I opened it and read, "girl". I couldn't believe I finally had a sister! Her name was going to be Maggie.

It seemed like Maggie was in mom's tummy for a long time. We got to spend a lot of time playing at the babysitter's house because mom and dad had to go to the doctor a lot. It was so much fun! Sometimes mom and dad would come back happy and sometimes they would come back sad. But we still prayed for Maggie every day no matter what.

One day mom and dad woke me and Jack up in the middle of the night. It was time for Maggie to come out of mom's tummy! Everyone was so excited! Jack and I got to spend the rest of the night sleeping at the babysitter's house while mom and dad went to the hospital. The next morning we found out that Maggie was finally born! We made pink cupcakes to celebrate.

The next day dad took me and Jack to the hospital to meet Maggie for the very first time. She was so cute and I even got to hold her! After the doctors kept her for several days we found out that God healed her all the way and made her grow right. God answered my prayer! People started calling her "Miracle Maggie". I was so happy that she got to come live with us because I just love her so much!

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Happy Birthday, Maggie!!!

We are praising Jesus on our precious Maggie's first birthday!!  Here is a post written by Maggie's wonderful Daddy:

"I'm quick to discount what most people call miracles. I know that miracles exist, but I don't think we see them very often. I think that what often gets chalked up to being a 'miracle' can often be attributed to something else. Coincidence, self-fulfilling prophecy, luck, whatever. Despite my skepticism, 16 or so months ago, I knew a miracle from God is what we needed for Maggie. I was there when the extreme amount of fluid accumulating in her abdomen was first noticed. I saw it on the ultrasound tech's monitor. I was there when the damage to her liver was discovered. The doctor (a specialist in fetal care) spent time with us, showing it to us and describing it in detail. I saw what he saw when he examined her brain; overlapping sutures, calcifications, and the open space between her skull and the lining of her brain (that he would later tell us indicated atrophy he had previously seen only in babies that had already died in utero). All those things were there. Their existence wasn't open for debate...only their cause. Her doctor told us that IF Maggie made it, there would, without a doubt, be lasting complications. I specifically pressed him on this point, asking him to paint a best-case scenario, since we had been dealing with worst-case scenarios for weeks. I was also there when, one-by-one, every area of concern reversed itself. The ascites went away. It didn't just stabilize or reverse its trend. It disappeared. An MRI that was supposed to give us a better picture of the damage to her brain and a better idea of what disabilities to expect after she was born...showed a completely normal brain. Despite the improving news, Maggie was born a year ago today with a NICU team standing by, ready to assess the extent of the damage to her body. She spent several days in the NICU while they ran a whole battery of tests on her. Each one came back showing we had a completely healthy baby. It wasn't a case of a doctors getting it wrong. Everything they saw, Amanda and I saw too. The best diagnosis they could come up with after all the tests (a perforated bowel that had healed itself before she was born) couldn't explain away everything they had seen. I guess that's because miracles can't be explained.

A year later we have a perfectly healthy, gap-toothed, always smiling, go-getter of a baby who is going to take her first steps any day now. She's definitely proof of miracles. Happy Birthday, Mags!!" - Jon

My Secret Weapon for Sticking with my Goals

Every morning when I woke up, before my feet even hit the ground, I checked Facebook.  As I stumbled to the bathroom, I studied my newsfeed.  I left the house with frazzled hair and no makeup because I ran out of time…because I spent too much time on Facebook.  I was annoyed when my children wanted my attention.  Couldn’t they see that I was busy??  What I was reading on Facebook was important!  How dare they?!  I often went into rages during the chaos around me…the chaos that I created myself by not being present or prepared because I was living in a different world.  Even my husband was frustrated and often complained that I was always on Facebook.

Through a phone conversation, my friend Carla and I discovered that we both had the same struggle.  Our faces were always buried in our phones and life with our precious families was passing us by.  We also discovered that we both wanted to change but had been frustrated by our unsuccessful attempts.  That day we decided to become accountability partners to pray for and help each other overcome our addictions.

Carla and I have since texted each other almost every single day for over a year now.  It started out as a list of only a few goals, but now we each have approximately 10 or 12 daily goals that we report to each other on at the end of each day.  Her accountability and prayer has made a huge difference in my life.  It has served many purposes, including helping me to regain my focus on my family, survive during the toughest trial of my life, and helping me to grow in my relationship with Christ.

First of all, through trial, error, encouragement, prayer, grace, and godly advice, this last year of accountability has helped me to beat my Facebook addiction.  It didn’t happen overnight and it still remains on my accountability list, but I am finally free to give my children and husband the time and attention they deserve and I am so thankful for the accountability to make it happen.  

Shortly after we started our accountability partnership, I found myself in the most difficult trial of my life.  At that point I just needed to survive.  I needed to take care of myself and my family regardless of how physically and emotionally drained I was.  I rewrote my goals.  It was a shorter list than before.  It was very different.  There were things like getting dressed in the morning.  That’s something that most people would do automatically most of the time but it was all I could do to just get out of bed.  Knowing I had to let Carla know at the end of each day just how much or little I took care of my most basic responsibilities helped me to put one foot in front of the other and keep my head above water.  It also allowed her to know intimately how to pray for me, what scriptures to share to encourage me, and what needs she could meet.  God had a perfect plan when he put our accountability partnership together at the exact time that He did.  God is amazing like that.

One of the most important purposes the accountability serves is to help me and Carla to both remain in God’s Word, spend time in prayer, and to always encourage and help each other deepen our relationships with Christ.  No matter what season we are going through, being in His Word and being in prayer daily is something that we want to be careful never to neglect.  If you get accountability for only one thing, let it be this.

You may or may not be going through a life-changing trial right now.  Honestly, most days feel like a huge trial to me just taking care of three small children.  As mothers we have many seasons where we just need to survive.  There is nothing wrong with asking for accountability for even very basic things.  We all need to start somewhere and it is so awesome to have someone in your corner rooting for you and praying for you through those difficult times.

All you need to start your own accountability partnership is someone willing to be in contact with you on a regular basis.  And as a bonus, it’s a great way to start a deep and meaningful friendship (Carla and I knew each other through our mom's group, but after we became accountability partners we grew to be very close friends)!  The method you use to stay in contact with your partner can be anything that works for you both.  You can use e-mail, texts or phone calls, and you can be in contact daily, weekly or absolutely whatever works!  Be sure and take baby steps to ensure that it’s not overwhelming.  Start with one or two small goals and add to it as you grow more comfortable in your partnership.

Some examples of goals that you may want to set are things like getting up earlier, getting more exercise or eating healthier, submitting to and respecting your husband, limit spending and get out of debt, reduce time-wasters like TV, spending more quality time with your kids, spending more time in prayer and in God’s Word, reading several books on an topic you would like to learn more about, regular date nights with your husband, giving yourself more me-time to avoid burnouts, or spending 5 or 10 min a day de-cluttering your house.  The sky is the limit.

As we grow in some areas and our seasons change, we often need to reevaluate and change our goals.  Sometimes we need to challenge ourselves more, and other times we need to lighten our load and focus on only a few goals.  So don’t be afraid to rewrite them as often as you need to.  And always remember that everyone is different.  Do not compare your goals or progress with your partners or anyone else’s.  The only person you need to compare yourself to is your past self.  Have you improved over the last week?  Month?  Year?  An accountability partner can really help you stay on track with your own personal growth!

I’m convinced that EVERYONE can benefit from an accountability partner.  Whether you are just starting to set some goals to better yourself for the first time or you have been doing it for years, a godly accountability partner will help you make even more progress.  It may only be baby steps, but in a year you will both look back and go, “Wow!  I can’t believe how far we have come!”  Plus you will have the added joy of having helped in your partner’s success.