Every morning when I woke up, before my feet even hit the ground, I checked Facebook. As I stumbled to the bathroom, I studied my newsfeed. I left the house with frazzled hair and no makeup because I ran out of time…because I spent too much time on Facebook. I was annoyed when my children wanted my attention. Couldn’t they see that I was busy?? What I was reading on Facebook was important! How dare they?! I often went into rages during the chaos around me…the chaos that I created myself by not being present or prepared because I was living in a different world. Even my husband was frustrated and often complained that I was always on Facebook.
Through a phone conversation, my friend Carla and I discovered that we both had the same struggle. Our faces were always buried in our phones and life with our precious families was passing us by. We also discovered that we both wanted to change but had been frustrated by our unsuccessful attempts. That day we decided to become accountability partners to pray for and help each other overcome our addictions.
Carla and I have since texted each other almost every single day for over a year now. It started out as a list of only a few goals, but now we each have approximately 10 or 12 daily goals that we report to each other on at the end of each day. Her accountability and prayer has made a huge difference in my life. It has served many purposes, including helping me to regain my focus on my family, survive during the toughest trial of my life, and helping me to grow in my relationship with Christ.
First of all, through trial, error, encouragement, prayer, grace, and godly advice, this last year of accountability has helped me to beat my Facebook addiction. It didn’t happen overnight and it still remains on my accountability list, but I am finally free to give my children and husband the time and attention they deserve and I am so thankful for the accountability to make it happen.
Shortly after we started our accountability partnership, I found myself in the most difficult trial of my life. At that point I just needed to survive. I needed to take care of myself and my family regardless of how physically and emotionally drained I was. I rewrote my goals. It was a shorter list than before. It was very different. There were things like getting dressed in the morning. That’s something that most people would do automatically most of the time but it was all I could do to just get out of bed. Knowing I had to let Carla know at the end of each day just how much or little I took care of my most basic responsibilities helped me to put one foot in front of the other and keep my head above water. It also allowed her to know intimately how to pray for me, what scriptures to share to encourage me, and what needs she could meet. God had a perfect plan when he put our accountability partnership together at the exact time that He did. God is amazing like that.
One of the most important purposes the accountability serves is to help me and Carla to both remain in God’s Word, spend time in prayer, and to always encourage and help each other deepen our relationships with Christ. No matter what season we are going through, being in His Word and being in prayer daily is something that we want to be careful never to neglect. If you get accountability for only one thing, let it be this.
You may or may not be going through a life-changing trial right now. Honestly, most days feel like a huge trial to me just taking care of three small children. As mothers we have many seasons where we just need to survive. There is nothing wrong with asking for accountability for even very basic things. We all need to start somewhere and it is so awesome to have someone in your corner rooting for you and praying for you through those difficult times.
All you need to start your own accountability partnership is someone willing to be in contact with you on a regular basis. And as a bonus, it’s a great way to start a deep and meaningful friendship (Carla and I knew each other through our mom's group, but after we became accountability partners we grew to be very close friends)! The method you use to stay in contact with your partner can be anything that works for you both. You can use e-mail, texts or phone calls, and you can be in contact daily, weekly or absolutely whatever works! Be sure and take baby steps to ensure that it’s not overwhelming. Start with one or two small goals and add to it as you grow more comfortable in your partnership.
Some examples of goals that you may want to set are things like getting up earlier, getting more exercise or eating healthier, submitting to and respecting your husband, limit spending and get out of debt, reduce time-wasters like TV, spending more quality time with your kids, spending more time in prayer and in God’s Word, reading several books on an topic you would like to learn more about, regular date nights with your husband, giving yourself more me-time to avoid burnouts, or spending 5 or 10 min a day de-cluttering your house. The sky is the limit.
As we grow in some areas and our seasons change, we often need to reevaluate and change our goals. Sometimes we need to challenge ourselves more, and other times we need to lighten our load and focus on only a few goals. So don’t be afraid to rewrite them as often as you need to. And always remember that everyone is different. Do not compare your goals or progress with your partners or anyone else’s. The only person you need to compare yourself to is your past self. Have you improved over the last week? Month? Year? An accountability partner can really help you stay on track with your own personal growth!
I’m convinced that EVERYONE can benefit from an accountability partner. Whether you are just starting to set some goals to better yourself for the first time or you have been doing it for years, a godly accountability partner will help you make even more progress. It may only be baby steps, but in a year you will both look back and go, “Wow! I can’t believe how far we have come!” Plus you will have the added joy of having helped in your partner’s success.
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